20-Year-Old Ass

I do not come from a family that regularly uses foul language. In fact, I'm the only person in my immediate family that does so. My uncle Tom does, but he only does so tastefully, if that makes any sense. My dad does very rarely and only in cases where he is quoting somebody, like the great Admiral Farragut quote, "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." I, of course, speak as though I had been making out with a toilet for hours. The point of all this, is that I heard my mother say, "ass" yesterday and I found it noteworthy.

My parents and I took my grandmother to have brunch at the Can Can on Cary Street in Richmond with my aunt Elizabeth and uncle. My aunt and uncle recently returned from spending a week in Key West because my aunt's family owns an entire block. My aunt's mother spends the entire winter there. During this trip, the house across the street from where they were staying was occupied by a sorority on spring break.

My uncle recounted a conversation with my aunt where he said something along the lines of, "Why should I care about the view? I'm surrounded by 20-year-old ass everywhere."

My grandmother, being hard of hearing, asked my mother what Tom said, so she told my grandmother that, "He was surrounded by 20-year-old ass in Key West."

So I got to hear my mother say, "ass."

I also got to witness another classic instance of my grandmother telling my aunt the same story seven times in a row. The result of this was that my grandmother was afraid she offended her when in reality she just bored it.